Exploring Why I Sing and Have Chosen Opera as My Career

I stole this off the Wolf Trap Opera Blog because I think it is applicable to every singer at any given point during their career. It is an explanation, to yourself and to others, of why you have chosen this career. I have been as candid as possible in my answers.

Here we go:

* Who are you trying to please?

Myself and my audience. A lot of what I do behind the scenes (in a practice room) is a self-satisfactory level of technique and artistic expression. But once I am in front of an audience, I feel that I am wholly singing for THEM. I want people to feel like I've made a connection to them through my expression.


* Are you trying to make a living, make a difference, or leave a legacy?

I care more about the first two...I've recently reached a tricky point in my career where I still ABSOLUTELY NEED a day job in order to pay my bills/rent/food/student loans, but...I don't need it all the time. There have been/will be months where my living comes from singing, and that is the best feeling in the world. I also, as I mentioned above, am looking to make a positive difference in some lives through art. That is why I've participated/will continue to perform in outreach groups. If we don't have a next generation audience, there will be no next generation of opera. Legacy...well, that would be nice, but I would rather have a couple of kids be my legacy than my amazing voce.


* Where is your team – the people you trust?

My coaches, my boyfriend and my parents. I feel so fortunate to have worked with some of the best coaches in the World here in Chicago...my coach this past year has been the perfect mix of criticism, praise, honesty, and ass-kicking. I would not have gotten as far as I have this year without her. My boyfriend is another sort of coach...I am fortunate to have someone who has been at this game 8 years longer than I have to provide support, information, encouragement, and frankness. My parents have supported me since day 1...it's amazing how much they've done for me, not only financially, but emotionally. From "Are you SURE you need grad school? Ok, we'll figure out a way to make it happen" to "honey, I googled this opera company, you should look at them!" my parents have done everything in their power to help me succeed.


* What does busy look like?

Performing in 1 show, learning the next, and knowing there are 2 more around the corner....a.k.a. NOW :-)


* Choose: challenge your colleagues, or just do what they ask.

Challenge, but listen to their answers...but challenge! I hate how so many singers are taught they are "inferior" rhythmically and technically to their instrumental colleagues. I played violin for 12 years...my ear and my counting is as good as theirs, if I focus the way they do! I am also at a tricky place where coaches/conductors/directors are sort of my colleagues, and sort of my superiors. I gauge whether or not to challenge them, but it varies from situation to situation.


* Are you prepared to actively sell yourself?

Thanks to grad seminar and my inability to shut up, I am! I have the headshot/resume/bio/businesscard/website package put together, I am willing to do any sort of performance (within reason) and I think I'm good and don't mind telling people about myself. I am proud of who I am as an artist.


* Which: to invent a category or to be just like [insert name of famous singer here], but better?

I think I have to invent a category, since people tell me I have a "unique" sound. I don't want to be "just like" anyone, because I am not. And I despise the fach system trying to slot everyone into one type of role. Different roles speak to me and fit my voice different ways, and I try not to be shuttled into one category of voice type.


* How close to failure, wipe out and humiliation are you willing to fly? (And while we’re on the topic, how open to criticism are you willing to be?)

I've already stood on a street corner asking people for money to save Lake Michigan...500 rejections in 6 hours? My threshold of humiliation is sky-high. I'm still at the age where I believe I will succeed, so all criticism is welcome. I hope I never get too proud to accept criticism.


* Is perfect important? (Do you feel the need to fail privately, not in public?)

I have had semi-public failures already (not many, but I can remember them all, quite clearly, since the first one, when I was 11 and couldn't get through the first phrase of my solo on 1 breath in synagogue choir) and it feels terrible. I do embarrass easily, so it is difficult for me to imagine and accept public humiliation. That said, I never think what I do/sound like is perfect...but I need to work on accepting what I do and not questioning it, or trying to please everyone in every audience.


* How long can you wait before it feels as though you’re succeeding?

I've said till age 30..but one of my friends has put it another way: If you can achieve 1 or 2 milestones per year that feel significant to the growth of your career, you are already a success. By that motto, I have already succeeded this year. I think that plus eventually earning enough of a living to have kids, and I will feel satisfied with my success.


* Are you done personally growing, or are you willing to change and develop?

I'm 24...does ANYONE think they're done at that age? I change every day. Everybody does. If I don't feel as though I'm successful yet, I HOPE I can change and develop!

Goals

With all of my "thinking time" lately, I've come up with several goals for myself. I realized that saying you have too much time on your hands is really an avoidance technique. No one has enough time in their life to do all they'd like; I think this time is a blessing and a way to really focus on things which may, when I'm busy, fall by the wayside.

I've set goals for my body, my voice, and my mind...I'm getting back to writing (hence the upcoming higher frequency in blogging), and I've decided to focus on one or two very specific vocal issues and fix them. Another "mind goal" is to try and slow down, and harness my seemingly endless mental energy into a more focused approach to everything I do. That sounds kind of weird, but everybody my entire life has been telling me to "slow down" and I've ignored them. But I'm starting to think that I shouldn't...that learning to relax is not a way of giving up but a way of working towards getting what I want.

too much time on my hands

Jon left early this morning for Italy :( He will be a guest artist with the Oberlin in Italy program, singing the title role in their production of Don Giovanni.

While I am thrilled for him, I am SO SAD to go for 5 weeks without much contact..living together these past few weeks has been awesome, and I can't wait till he gets back on July 6 and we sing our Boheme with Verismo Opera Club of Chicago.

In the meantime, I suddenly feel as though I have NOTHING to do. This is not true at all...here is what's on my schedule for the next 5 weeks:

-Summer Outreach festival at Elgin. This includes, for me:
-German masterclass
-German concert
-French masterclass
-French concert
-staged opera scenes (act I of Manon, card trio from Carmen)
-Broadway concert (Gershwin, Carousel and Guys and Dolls scenes)
-small role/cover of lead in Dido

-continuing to babysit (I watch kids from 4 different families!) and teach piano.

-trip to NYC for a weekend! Excited to see all of my undergrad friends/take a coaching and lesson or two.

-continue to learn/coach Boheme for August

-begin work on Eternal Tao (an October opera I'm in, newly composed and funded by the Guggenheim Foundation)

-begin to learn Mabel for my OFTY tour.


See! When I write it all out, I feel busier. I could probably squeeze in a day or two at the beach though.

More on summer adventures as they happen.

Totally Zen...

Jon and I open our recital tomorrow night at Bethany Church in Chicago.
I am prepared for this one. The difference between this recital and previous ones is...I learned all the music for it in about 6 weeks. This is half of my normal music-learning time. It is a testament to putting in HOURS of training, to be as comfortable with 6-week learned music as I was with 3 months.

Not much else to say...it promises to be an exciting weekend!

Now to shoot for 10 hours of glorious pre-recital sleep.

This crazy business of show.....

The last 3 days have been QUITE eventful...not sure if I can accurately recap, but I'll try:

-the family in France accepted me!
-I sent off materials (passport copy etc.) to be processed by the agency.
-was beside myself with excitement over living so CLOSE to Geneva for almost a year

Then, this morning:
-got an email from a YAP that I thought had turned me down, but turns out I was waitlisted and...I got in!
-the problem is it runs for 6 months....3 two month shifts (it's triple-cast)

now, I know none of this is a "problem"....I'm not lying around saying "Oh, poor me, I simply CAN'T go to France yet because I am in such demand HERE"...it's more a matter of impeccable cosmic timing - or mistiming.

So, I'm trying to finagle everything, like the multi-tasker extraordinaire that I fancy myself to be. I am trying to keep my October opera, do this tour, and simply push back going to france until early next year.

Wish me luck! oh, and while luck is being wished for that, Please come see/wish luck for:

recital in Mary Sauer's studio tomorrow night, Fine Arts Building, Chicago

S.O.N.G. recital with Beacon Street Chamber, Sunday, 3pm, Fine Arts Building, Chicago

recital with Jon and Eric Hiller, Thursday, 7:30pm, UCC Bethany Church, 4250 N. Paulina st. Chicago
and
Sunday, 3pm, Resurrection Lutheran Church, 3303 N. Seminary Ave., Chicago

POWERing through this next week. woot.

A Different Direction?

So, I'm at a bit of an impasse with my life at the moment...I have a couple of years to hang out waiting for my voice to finish developing enough for my career to start and I don't really want to hang out here.

Here, meaning the U.S.

Solution?

Move to Europe!

I've decided to au pair in Italy or France (probably France) after my October opera finishes. I think it will be good to really solidify one of the languages I've studied and have to sing in all the time, and see what life as an opera singer is like in a country where opera is an integral part of their history and still considered a popular art form.

I realize that this move will pose new challenges; the "game" of getting an opera career started is slightly different over there than here, but some things are the same: I will start by finding a teacher that I work well with and trust, and speak to several of my friends that have moved to Europe to try their hand at getting their careers started over there. I want to be careful to not lose the motivation and momentum I have gained this year simply by working hard, networking and seeking out any and every opportunity to sing.

At the very least, this should make for some interesting blog posts!

Funny Story

as the spring weather has slowly come to Chicago, I've taken out my bike and started getting some exercise as I go about my day. Not only is it physically and environmentally friendly, but it gives me a chance to mentally reflect on important things in my life. These days, the most important thing is my upcoming recital with Jon. I have a LOT of music to memorize, and, while biking, I've been going over words and music in my head...or so I thought.

Maybe I can't differentiate between in my head and aloud, because when I stopped at a traffic light tonight while riding home, I noticed a man in a car on the adjacent street looking at me. I looked back at him and he asked "was that your voice?" Then I realized I had actually been singing phrases aloud instead of just going over them mentally. I answered "...yes?" and he said "well it's beautiful."

And I rode home with a spring in my pedal.