...is hard. And something that you don't think about much until it happens. Or you DO think about it, but your delusions of grandeur are quickly dashed by student loan payments and bills and deadlines and rejections. And life decisions.
I feel like I'm doing okay about 80% of the time. But then something happens (like not being able to figure out how to drive to Madison, WI from Elgin, IL, which is RIDICULOUSLY easy once you know the way. Embarrassingly easy, actually.), and you are convinced that you are just FAILING at life...an irrational reaction, I know, but it happens. I often feel like I want my life to stop for a couple of days so I don't have any responsibilities. But it doesn't.
Of course there are so many wonderful things about my adult life too...I cannot believe that I am working towards making my living from singing onstage. I've been singing since I could talk (according to my mother) and it feels like the most natural thing in the world for me to do. So natural that I am willing to deal with poverty, putting off having children for about 8-10 years, being away from my significant other much of the time, and rarely seeing my family. This career is becoming all-consuming...the deeper I get into it, the less everything else matters and also the farther removed I feel from people in other walks of life. I don't think that's necessarily bad, but I wonder if other careers go as "deep" as classical music seems to go.
My thoughts for the day.
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